Well, by hook, crook, therapy, Family/Friends, Tito’s…and of course God, I’ve almost made it to the one-year anniversary of Daddy’s passing. I cannot lie, y’all – at some moments it has definitely been a struggle (heck, I’m struggling as we speak). I think that if we had been in a better place at the time of his passing, this whole process would have been easier, but I’m not 100% sure…
Last week on my FB page someone posted a picture of Grandma Miranda (Daddy’s Mother)…that seemingly has reopened the proverbial wound that was not fully healed, and may not ever be. I began to remember him a little bit – how he would do this little crooked smile…nibble on the stem of his glasses…his hazel brown eyes…the fact that he always thought I got my dimples from/ looked like him (my Mother always said that I got my dimples from her). 😉
On the heels of those memories it sunk in that I will never see him again. When I was little I hated that he gave sloppy kisses (like, you could feel the wetness on your cheek)…but WOW, now 1-year later I realize that I will never sit on his ottoman by his big chair…or hear him ask if I’m still working?…or look him in his eyes.
The last time I saw him I got a bit smart with him (something that I’d never done my whole life)… I was angry with him. Towards the end of his life, I became really resentful of the wrongs I perceived that he’d done – to my Mother and my brothers. I didn’t like the fact that my stepmother’s kids called him Dad…or that on my last visit it had been arranged for all of them to come over as well… As the tears flow and my heart aches, I wish that I had just one more chance for things to have ended differently, but I don’t. And so…until I get through this latest hurdle, I will myself out of bed each morning and just try to make it through the day.
kimmiesays 