Lightning strikes
Inside my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It’s heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love why don’t you say so?
If you want more love why don’t you say so?

{Lyrics from Heartbreak Warfare, John Mayer}

I try my best to be a glass half full, not empty person. But honest to God the past 5 months have been a test. People that really know me say they’re concerned. Maybe I should stop repressing…start sharing. If not with them, maybe to someone professional. For the most part, I just keep moving. Until recently, I just haven’t wanted to deal with any emotions.

Last weekend I felt so emotionally charged that when I stopped by my Mother’s house, I almost asked her for a hug… Almost.

Then I began thinking about what that would potentially cost me, and I high-tailed it out of there like Satan himself was on my heels!

Let me be clear about something…my Mother loves me and I love her. That said, she has been through so much… The old adage is true: hurt people hurt people.

My Father passed away this past November. I loved him, but we were not in the best place in our relationship… So many unasked/unanswered questions. I was almost late to his funeral trying to pick up my Mother. When my sorority sisters and I arrived, we waited awhile only to realize that she was gone.

After the service, no hugs…no nothing really. I get it though, I wasn’t/am not the only person grieving. I made the mistake of getting emotional one time and 2 months after the fact, got hit with classic emotional warfare tactics (via voicemail no less). Everything from I didn’t truly love him…to not being a good daughter. Maybe I’m not a great daughter – I’ll let God be the judge of that… I tell you what though, those words really packed a punch!

We all know someone that commits emotional warfare – sometimes it’s on purpose, sometimes not. It’s there when all those little things they’ve done for you out of the goodness of their hearts are randomly sprinkled into conversations with you…or others. It’s there when their love is given…as long as you follow certain conditions. It’s there when they know just what to say or do to hurt you so deeply…it feels like the most intense pain. Nothing hurts worse than pain inflicted by those that we love.

So how do you know when you’re in an emotional war…and more importantly, what do you do about it? Aside from the above, when each word that you speak feels like a verbal land mine… You’re constantly trying to make sure that nothing you say can later be used against you… When you dread any type of contact… When each interaction leaves you feeling drained like you’ve run 2 marathons across rugged terrain…all uphill. Experienced any of these scenarios? Welcome to the Emotional Warfare Club. Family, Friends, people that you thought were friends – anyone can level you with emotional manipulation.

But fear not, all is not lost. There’s one lesson that life has consistently taught me: You cannot control the words and actions of others; your reaction, though, is 100% up to you. It’s difficult to do, but the worst thing that you can do is respond to emotional puppeteering – it’s draining and very harmful to your Spirit and overall emotional well-being. Whether positive or negative, behaviors are reinforced by outcomes. Some people are not satisfied until they elicit a reaction from you. My advice…don’t give it to them.

Emotionally, you cannot afford to allow the poison of anyone’s words or deeds to infect your life. Melodramatic? No, the depth of energy that it takes to stave off the hurt from emotional warfare DEFINITELY affects you (probably more than you even realize). Love! Pray! Live! Light a candle! Have a glass of champagne, cigar or whatever you enjoy! {…and if that doesn’t work, find a therapist. That’s what I’ve decided to do}