I’m going to try to make this the last grief-related post. In fact, don’t be surprised if my next post is a link to a Nick Jonas song or something (is anyone else obsessed with that song, “Jealous”)?? Okay, I digress…
Which culture decided that a funeral ceremony was a good idea? Three days from now (2, if you include the visitation), we’re supposed to all meet at the church and lay Daddy’s body to rest. We’ll all be there – his wife, my Mother (his ex-wife), the kids (blood/step/half/whatever), siblings, nieces/nephews/etc. Yep, this won’t be awkward at all…
Dude, I am not ready. All of my black dresses are too short, but I can’t seem to make myself order another one. My tights are bright purple or animal print. My eyes are flat of emotion or threaten to get suspiciously moist at a moment’s notice. Which brings me back to my original question – who the heck decided that funerals were a good idea?!?? They are surely not for the deceased, because they’re already doing their thing on the other side!
When I kick the bucket, I want a succinct service (an hour or less). They can play a gospel song, but make it uptempo…none of that lagging Amazing Grace stuff. To be honest, I’d rather have a jazz band, or better yet, a kick @ss Prince tribute! Give me a party the day before or day after – and let’s not do a long drawn out scene at a grave site (in fact, let’s skip that whole ordeal all together).
But this is not about me… This is about allowing people an opportunity to say goodbye to him.
p/s – – – – Did I mention that I found out yesterday that there’s a Visitation AND a friggin’ PrePast (i.e. breakfast while folks are viewing the body). I will NOT be there for that. In fact in an ideal world, I would walk into the service invisible and coast through sight unseen (like Wonder Woman does in her “invisible” plane). I do not want the looks of pity, nor that dreadful tone that people use when they tell you how sorry they are… I don’t want empty platitudes or the sometimes half-hearted offers of help (death makes people seriously uncomfortable, and most folks are secretly hoping that you don’t accept – I can hear it in their voice).
Anywho, I just need to get through a few more days… I’ve been praying for peace for my father’s wife, my brothers, her kids and his siblings/the rest of the family. Soon, I will begin to pray for solace for myself.
p/p/s – I know that the picture is crazy old, but wasn’t my Daddy handsome? :)